PIZZA!

Ok you got me, this isn't a rant at all; I just like Pizza. I will say, though, that nothing fills me with more righteous rage than frozen pizza, and ready-made dough. Pizza is one of the easiest, cheapest, and most fun doughs to make at home. So here's a couple of pizzas I've made to inspire you to take back pizza from the delivery trucks:

First, dough:

3 cups flour, sifted (I like bread flour best, and barley works well if you don't do gluten)

2-2 1/2 tsp yeast (the living kind, that's ~one of those little packages)

1/2 tsp sugar

1/2 tsp salt

1 and 1/2 cups VERY warm water

(optional = 2tsp gluten powder for a chewier crust)

1 Tbs oil (I like olive, canola and soy work fine)

1. In a big bowl sift together the flour (or flours if you like to mix things up, I had success with a 2/1 barley/buckwheat mix ), and gluten (this is optional, I like to add it in if I'm making a deep-dish thing).

2. Make a well in the middle of the flour mix (imagine that the flour mix is mashed potatoes and your making a gravy well; try not to go all the way to the bottom) this is your yeast home.

3. Add a half cup of VERY warm water to your well and add the yeast, salt, and sugar, and stir just the well. Its ok if a little flour mixes in, but at this stage your just trying to "wake up" the yeast. Let the well alone for about five minutes, or until it gets nice and foamy.

4. Slowly stir in flour from the sides and add the rest of the VERY warm water and the oil. A wooden spoon is your best friend. You want the mixture to be as smooth and lumpless as possible and you shouldn't feel pressured mix in all of the flour; just stir until you have a nice, slightly sticky dough.

5. Flour your hands (and the dough/bowl if your dough is really sticky) and knead the dough for a good ten minutes.

6. Cover the bowl with a towel and let it stand in a warm place for an hour or so (until it doubles in size).

7. Punch it down and knead it for another ten minutes. If you want to make your pizza later in the week you can put it in the fridge at this point, and if your going to make it in the next three months,f freeze it.

8. If you froze your dough, let it thaw overnight in the fridge. Let your dough rise again in a warm place for about an hour (it might take a little longer if your dough's been in the fridge).

9. Punch it down and role it out.

But what to top it with? Well, I've got two examples. One's for when your feeling really aventurous and the other is a little more "traditional":

First, ADVENTURE!

More...

This is a Rosemary Mashed-Potato Pizza with Vegan Bechamel and Artichoke Hearts. It looks a little funky, but its delicious. I stumbled on some restaurant food blog, and I happened to have recently "borrowed" a jar of artichoke hearts, so I decided to expiriment.

First, you boil potatoes (you could also try baking them, but I haven't yet) then drain and mash them, add a lot of rosemary, salt and pepper, and about 8 cloves of garlic either pressed or minced fine. Next make a bechamel (which is just flour and a little nutritional yeast cooked in oil, then a little mylk (coconut mylk is killer) salt, pepper, and nutmeg stirred in; the ppk has a recipe with onions, but you could do the same thing with garlic). Then, slice your artichoke hearts thin. On you rolled-out dough, spread your mashed potatoes, embed your artichoke hearts (really press 'em in there or the tips will burn), and then cover it with your bechamel sauce. Bake at 400 for about 12 minutes.

Next, TRADITION!

Sun Dried Tomato Pesto and a Shit-Ton of Toppings Pizza, not actually very traditional at all. Many people have warned me that overloading one's pizza with toppings will make your pizza soggy in the middle, and confuse the pallet; to them I say "FAH, I tire of your lies!" In all seriousness though, lots of toppings means that you cant really pick up the pizza without it flopping a little, but the crust was not remotely soggy.

For the pesto we used about three handfulls of slivered almonds (we were making 2 pizzas, so adjust accordingly), which we blended with a little olive oil until they were smooth. We soaked about 2 cups of sun-dried tomatoes until they were soft, then drained them and reserved a little of the liquid. We blended them in with almonds, and added enough of the reserve liquid to make it smooth, but still a thick paste. We spread that on the rolled out dough, then loaded the pizzas up with toppings: Basil, Zuchini, Crimini Mushrooms, Red Onion, Bell Pepper, Garlic, and Tempeh that I seasoned with a little soy sauce, in that order (Basil on the bottom so it doesn't burn). We baked this bad boy at 400 for about fifteen minutes.

In closing, free your pizza from corporate rule.

Really? Really?

So I have white privilege. I know that I come from a place of privilege when I speak about race, but this shit is fucked up:

First of all, referring to the Jim Crow South to make a political point is pretty damned insensitive on a good day. Trivializing the experience of segregation into a division of water fountains, is also pretty messed up. Then on top of all of that, and here's the key thing, the experience of gay Americans is not comprable to segregation in almost any regard.

Additionally, racism is still very real in America (e.g. this fucking cartoon), and a biracial president does not mean that race based discrimination is over; I feel that this cartoon trivializes racism on several levels.

On top of that, most of the stuff that happens to the gays, happens to the rest of the queer community, and we all got left out.

Dear Center for American Progress,

Get fucked. I hope the experience is so liberating that you stop saying fucked up shit.

Regards,

Sam